Warm Wet Pee
by bellapouts
Summary: It is Mike Newton's birthday party, and nobody except Bella, Edward, Emmett and Alice remembered. They feel sorry for him and try to give him the best day of his life. However, with the Cullens, anything can happen. Hilarious! One-shot.


**BPOV  
**

"No, Alice!"

"But, Bella!"

"Leave me alone!"

I stormed out of the house angrily. Edward was already sitting in my truck casually, waiting for me. I sat in the driver's seat and put the key in the ignition.

The car didn't start.

"Great," I groaned. "Now I'm stuck here!"

"Take the Volvo," suggested Edward. I grinned. I hopped out of the car and ran into Edward's garage. But the Volvo was gone. All of the cars were.

"Damn you, Alice!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. She appeared in seconds, smiling evilly.

"You called?"

"Alice, just let me go home, okay?" I begged. "There is no _way _that I would _ever_ agree to…"

"Oh, stop being such a baby, Bella!" she teased. "It won't hurt you to do me a tiny little favor for once!"

"Forget it, Alice. I'll walk home if I have to," I argued.

"In the pouring rain?" asked Alice. She laughed. "And I predict hail."

I groaned. Why did she have to do this to me?

"I'll tell Carlisle!" I threatened. Alice laughed.

"Walking to the hospital, are we?"

"I'll make Charlie hate you!" I threatened.

"I thought we already agreed that you weren't walking home?"

"Esme?"

"Yeah, sure. Why don't you walk to Denali?"

"Rosalie!"

"Walk to the mall, too."

"Jasper?"

"He'd never help you."

"Emmett?"

"Yeah, what a great idea! Let's go to Mike Newton's house!"

I groaned.

"Why is Emmett _there_?"

"The same reason you're about to go there! To see Mike!"

I frowned.

"Emmett doesn't like Mike that much," I pointed out. Alice sighed.

"Just go to Mike Newton's house, okay?"

I gave in with a sigh. She smiled.

"Yay! Thanks, Bella. Let's go!"

We walked out into the rain where Alice's Porsche was sitting. Edward was in the backseat smiling. I hopped in the front with Alice and we drove off into the distance.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked Alice. She shrugged.

"How would I know?"

"You're the mastermind psychic!" I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, you'll find out, so what's the point of me telling you?"

"You're very annoying, Alice!" I growled. She laughed.

"_Edward_ could tell you _that_."

We arrived at Mike Newton's house. Emmett's jeep was in the driveway. We ran through the rain and stopped on the Porsche. I knocked on the door. Mike answered it, grinning.

"Thanks for coming, Bella. It's so great that you came."

I smiled slyly and walked inside, Alice and Edward hot on my heels. We went into the living room. There was a big cake on the table that said 'happy birthday Mike'. I suddenly felt bad. I had forgotten all about his birthday!

"Happy birthday, Mike!" I said, smiling. He sighed.

"You guys are the only ones that came."

"You know what, let's go to the mall!" I said, grinning ear to ear. Alice raised an eyebrow at me. We drove to the mall in the jeep, Emmett sitting in the front seat joyfully.

"Let's go to McDonalds instead," suggested Emmett, as we caught sight of the packed parking lot.

"Whatever," grinned Mike. I felt sorry for him. We arrived at McDonald's and went through the drive through.

"Welcome to McDonalds, what can I get you?" spoke a female voice.

"I'll get a kids meal," said Emmett.

"What was that?" spoke the lady.

"A kids meal!" said Emmett.

"What? I can't hear you!" said the lady.

"A KIDS MEAL!" screamed Emmett. "AND MY BROTHER WILL HAVE…"

"There's no need to scream!" said the lady.

"Edward, what do you want?" asked Emmett. Edward flashed a warning glance at him. Realization struck Emmett. Vampires didn't eat human food.

"WE'RE NOT HUNGRY!" screamed Emmett. The lady sighed.

"Then what are you doing at McDonalds if you aren't hungry?"

"OH, RIGHT. BELLA AND MIKE ARE IN THE BACKSEAT!" screamed Emmett.

"I'm sorry," said the lady. "We don't sell those."

Emmett sighed and turned to Mike and I.

"Kids meal!" grinned Mike.

"Two kids meals," I told Emmett. Emmett turned back to the box. I had the urge to block my ears.

"TWO KIDS MEALS FOR THE KIDS!" he yelled at it.

"What?" asked the lady, in annoyance. "I'm sorry missus, but there are other people in the cue!"

"MISSUS? I'M A MAN!" yelled Emmett. The lady laughed.

"WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" he asked her.

"KRISTY!" she yelled, imitating him.

"I'LL TALK TO YOU AT THE NEXT WINDOW, OKAY? TALK. WINDOW."

The lady laughed as Emmett drove to the window. A blonde haired lady was sitting there.

"Are you Kristy?" asked Emmett. The girl laughed.

"Are you the girl?" she asked. Emmett smiled.

"Yeah, I am."

The girl looked at him adoringly.

"Could the two in the backseat have some happy meals?" Emmett asked her. She smiled.

"Sure."

"I'm Emmett, by the way," he introduced himself. A loud honk made me jump. I turned around to see a red BMW sitting behind us. Rosalie was honking the horn, looking angry.

"Uh oh," groaned Emmett. He turned to Kristy.

"I've got to go. Blondie's onto me!" he told her. She laughed and handed him a piece of paper.

"That's my number," she told him. Rosalie honked louder. He handed her one thousand dollars.

"Keep the change," he told her. I could hear Rosalie screaming.

"That man behind us sure is angry," said Mike. I laughed.

"That's Rosalie," I told him. He laughed as Rosalie honked again. Emmett drove to the next window. The man there handed him the happy meals and we drove off into the distance. Emmett looked into the mirror.

"Damn. She's tailing us!" he swore. He pulled out a container of butter and threw a fistful of butter at Rosalie's BMW. She couldn't see. We sped off into the distance as Rosalie swerved and narrowly missed Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory.

"She's going to be so pissed!" laughed Mike, as Emmett handed him his happy meal.

_ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!_

I jumped.

"What was _that_?"

"Kristy gave me a toy! It's a lion. It makes noise! That is so cool!" laughed Emmett. I groaned.

_ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!_

Edward sighed. He wound down his window.

_ROAR! ROAR!  
_

He grabbed the toy off of Emmett and threw it out the window. I turned around in my seat as it flew through the air and hit Jessica in the head. I laughed. Emmett was pouting.

"Why'd you throw it away?" he complained. Edward sighed.

"Is there anyone in our family that _doesn't _annoy me?"

Meanwhile, Mike was laughing his head off.

"God you guys are funny!"

"We should have a guys night out sometime," suggested Emmett. Edward hit him in the head.

"OW! DUDE! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"You deserved it," sighed Edward. Mike was cracking up.

"I'm about to wet my pants!" he laughed. Everyone stopped laughing.

Warm, wet pee was running down Mike's legs. I watched as it began to roll down the seat…

… Towards me!

-

**Lol, I hoped you guys liked it! This is only a one-shot, so there won't be any more chapters. So sorry about that. But anyways, PLEASE review!!!**

**X**

**-Bellapouts**


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